I haven't felt like blogging the last several weeks, and I'm not sure if I'll be returning to my blog. But there are those of you that are so kind to read about my silly wants and whims on a regular basis, and I felt that you deserved an update.
I received a call Wednesday morning that my grandmother's vital signs had dropped and we decided to drive back and just stay there with her, whether it be weeks or days.
I can't tell you how sickening it is to have to pick out clothing for a funeral for someone who hasn't even passed yet, especially if it is someone who meant everything to you. I spent an hour wondering aimlessly around trying to pack, which resulted in me just shoving everything in my closet in a bag.
I needn't have bothered, as my grandmother passed away when we were only 45 minutes from her home.
I'm not sure if I've told you very much about my grandmother. The last weekend I spent with her she wasn't very responsive, but she was there, and that was all that mattered.
I wish I could say that I was just like her, but don't they say opposites attract? Simply, I loved her and she loved me. I know I made her laugh, and I hope that sometimes I made her proud. My Mr.M is so very like her in disposition, which explains why I love him so much.
I think I mentioned she had red hair? The last weekend with her, I would smooth back her curls as they flamed against her pillow. It has been several weeks since my aunts could touch up her roots, and there was a halo of silver framing her face.
Have I told you her cheeks were like swatches of vintage velvet? Warm to the touch, I stroked them constantly, trying to memorize her face. I would say I love you and she would say I love you back. But the last weekend she didn't speak as we sat and held her hand.
I leaned down into her face, kissed her goodbye, and said I love you. I love you. I love you, grandma. And then she whispered, I love you.
Image created from Vogue Magazine June 2010 by Nicki Lee At TFS. Fashion Editor: Grace Coddington/Photography: Annie Leibovitz